Sometimes I can feel the distance thickening. It settles disquietingly along the back of my throat, the line of my shoulders. I can feel the distance welling in my temples, slowly. An uneasy weight barely pressing down upon my chest and the corners of my mouth.
And silence.
There are parallels in life I don’t think about most of the time.
For instance, the choices I make in search of happiness can be compared to the choices one might make as they try to make profit through the stock market (if we use a really simplistic view). Say the price of a stock you own rises, you have the decision to sell now, which would certainly give you some profit, or you could wait longer in hopes of the price rising and greater profit, though this could result in the price falling and no or negative profit. Sometimes returns of happiness follow similar patterns. I could wait and hope for an outcome (including factors which I cannot control but would greatly enhance happiness) or I could ignore the possible greater returns of happiness and consider only the actions that I can control. Taking action and ignoring outside factors would ensure some happiness, though of different quality and magnitude.
When I hear this song, a strange feeling wells up within me. I think the effect is caused partially by the song itself, and partially because of the association with The Hunger Games. An image comes to my mind of a reflection against a train window, staring out at fields that go on and on. The train is heading home, and that’s a happy thought, but everything has changed and the reflection is a different person, and even though everything is as good as it can be the happiness is bittersweet and not everything can be all right again.
Finishing yearbook entries.
The people in my life.
The little parallels, being on the same wavelength as others, the way how little things just work out sometimes.
“There have been some misunderstandings between us, but it doesn’t change the person you are… Best of wishes”
It’s been a long time since I’ve tried to post one of these, but I think it’s necessary today.
Finally finishing all my APs and having Mr. Schaff crack little jokes as I did. All the hugs and smiles I got today. Knowing that people will miss me, because I will surely miss them. Mr. Mazzoni’s Math HL farewell speech. Walking back into Newland’s room, just because. Receiving my first awkward hug from Newland. Blaring music on the way home.
Starting to read yearbook entries.
Planning on seeing my closest remaining friends from elementary school. Everything is better with friends.
On the time that I’ve spent with people.
Tomorrow is the last ‘real’ day of high school. I have Weiting’s and Vincent’s yearbooks in front of me.
And I just can’t.
Why am I so ridiculous.
Why is this so hard.
